The best of intentions

Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do, but there appears to be forces working against you no matter what.

Take our dishwasher.

Behold, the Maytag MDB9150AWW; top of the line when it was purchased and installed by the previous owners. We would throw everything in that dishwasher - sometimes more than one load a day - and it would always come out sparkling (well, needed some vinegar on an empty run once a year - great trick to clean out the inside). However, one day we noticed that the little pieces that hold the dishes in place had rust on the bottom.




I got some vinyl paint, and after two attempts, coated all the spots that I could see rust. But it was too little, too late. Pieces started to snap off. We were approaching a time when we could only hold three plates in the dishwasher. Something had to be done.

"Replace the racks" you say? Yes, for $400, you could replace the racks. But why spend $400 on a 7 year old dishwasher that we were beating up day in day out, when you could buy a new one for the same amount?

Pre-black Friday sale, Home Depot ad pops up - lo and behold, the answer to our dishes prayers, another Maytag, not the top of the line but has basically all the features we want. All in, installation and all, less than $400. Looking good!




Installers come and go; I use the opportunity to clean the cabinet of all the gunk accumulated on the bottom - except as I'm putting back all the stuff under the sink, I say to myself, "Didn't I just dry it out? There's a little bit of water still here." So I dry it, go off and do something else to let it air dry for half an hour, come back and same result. After doing this twice, I realize I need to find the source of this water - it is coming from one of the drains from the sink, not something the dishwasher guys touched (technically). "Oh, these parts just screw together. How hard can this be?"

Anytime one says "How hard can this be?" one should stop what they are doing and call a professional. But not this guy. Unscrewing did not separate the pieces, so after looking at it and calling the hardware store for advice, I removed the entire drain pipe as one piece.

Luckily, we have a very friendly neighborhood hardware store, who, for a 450% profit margin, is happy to deal with yahoos who come in with a 6 foot maze of drain pipe that smells like yesterday's raw chicken, last week's chili, and last month's zucchini that went down the disposer - complete with fermentation. Man conference commences - lots of head scratching, grunting, cursing (by me - the three employees just watched with amusement); resulting in - SNAP - a broken pipe. What was supposed to screw off was actually glued together. Now I have a 6 foot broken maze of pipe, rather than one that just drips. At 8:15pm at night. After the store has closed.

"Oh, heck, if you got this far, you can put it back together. Have you ever worked with PVC before?" "No, but I watch a lot of This Old House." "OK, you can handle it. Just make up the pipe the same as the old one. What tools do you have to cut pipe and glue it?" "Um, probably none?" "Well, then, let's get you fixed up."

$70 in tools and pipe later, I was on my way back home for what looks like on TV as a simple, Ikea-ish assembly, without the directions of a goofy looking caricature recognizable in 58 languages saying "I laugh at you not understanding how to put together simple pressboard furniture!"

I put it all down on the floor and contemplate my plan.



Measure twice, cut once is the old adage. I'm about to learn that one should measure three times. I measure, cut, dry fit all the pieces, mark them, and am ready to start gluing. As I start, I knock over the glue on the floor. Wood floors are saved by the kitchen mat and 10 layers of newspaper, but I'm about to pass out from glue smell (I remember some kid sniffing Elmers in 5th grade - which doesn't stink really - but comparing this to Elmers is like going from sipping Keystone Light to taking Flaming Dr Pepper shots). Finally, I get to the last piece - and it's off by 1/2 inch. And at a funny angle. I look at all my marks - spot on - but no matter as everything is glued together now. Considering it is nearly midnight, there is nowhere to go get another elbow to make all male and female parts line up in harmony (not that male and female is ever in constant harmony), so I am forced to retire, knowing I have a meeting in the morning an hour away - and a requirement that a functioning kitchen sink will be where it was left by a certain Mrs. prior to my departure.

I stroll into the hardware store in the morning, dressed to the nines, and luckily the same guys are not there. I find my part and in an amazing feat, cut the pipe, put in the additional elbow, and glue it all together in half an hour. It basically lines up with a little bit of force. Most importantly, what it does do is hold water. And not drip. And I learn plastic shavings are easily vacuumed off of a suit and tie.



Victory is mine. I lost a few battles, but I won the war. Was it worth $75 in parts and tools and 6+ hours of my time? Quite possibly as I now know how I am going to modify the drain pipe for our washing machine...